Wanting More and Needing Less

 Seems like only yesterday the feeling of uselessness, contempt, and worthlessness were prevalent in my life. I was alcoholic, burnt my last bridge, and finally a pawn of the criminal justice system. My last nickel of hope was spent. I was not comfortable in my own skin. Never mind, facing my image in the mirror. I hated who, and what, I had become. When you feel this low you can justify all your problems, all your worries, and shift the blame elsewhere. Not wanting to be accountable. Not facing facts. Not living in truth.
 Eventually through God`s grace I got sober. Through the experience of love, God put people in my path who had walked the same path as I. Gave me enough humility to admit that I was broken. Flawed. Egomaniac with an inferiority complex.
 Through God`s grace, a fellowship of comrades, a program of action based on Christian principles, and a small flicker of hope from seeing others recover, I gained lasting sobriety. Stayed sober , a day at a time, and eventually put the solid foundation for a life together that never previously existed.  Over a period years a life took shape. A new found freedom. An inner peace.

A new thought has recently emerged after years of working with others in order to keep my own sobriety. The 12 steps used in many recovery programs are all very similar. Mostly taken from Christian principles. And I do believe in them. It works if you work it. The new thought is that there has to be something more. My own personal journey is that, at first, I was attracted to the message of fellowship. A common plight. Then it was an application of the 12 steps and the principles for a healthy and accountable lifestyle. Farther along it was fulfilling of human need for relationship building. To repair damaged pasts and be accountable for actions. Lastly it was the desire to keep my own sobriety and new found life by sharing my experience, strength, and hope. So is that it? Is there nothing more after this, but to keep repeating this process over, and over again? Wanting more !

The 11th step from AA says: " Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, Praying only for his knowledge and the power to carry that out." Let me say that again. The part that after 15 years finally jumped out like a lightning bolt. "Improve our conscious contact with him". I was totally floored. All the while, over the last few years, I was searching people, places, and things for that conscious contact. Not understanding what I just had stumbled upon. God wants to communicate with me. Even though I believe God was at times using others for me to see, and experience his grace, He was giving me a channel for directness if i chose to use it. Wow!!!!

Over the last two years this has been the predominant thought influencing a good portion of my recovery. Personal contact with God through prayer and mediation. So now the more I work with others I realize another important piece to this puzzle. New recovery, new sobriety, wants more and needs less.
The journey of active addiction is horrific. The damages, pitfalls, and messes do not go away overnight. Like anything else, it is a process. The greatest shortcoming in early sobriety is whatever is right in front of us. Addiction is the chase of the here and now. Recovery is the life of God`s ways are not always our ways, and sometimes the answer is no. Doing the next right thing in front of us is needing less. How foreign that is to someone that is used to the hustle and bustle of being in the chase. Whether its when`s the next drink or drug, sex, food, gambling, or the chase for money. It`s all about self fulfilling. One is never enough. Wanting more. In getting sober needing less is God saying I will provide for you if you trust in me. Trust that the removal of active addiction was not where God`s plan ends for you.

Just recently another added thought occurred to me in conversation with one of our lay leaders. We were discussing how needy newly recovering addicts and alcoholics were. How unpredictable they are. Especially in following through on making and keeping a comittment. This conversation made me reflect on my own personal journey. Since I got sober there are a few things I have not wanted for. Things that in the physical, emotional, and spiritual world of our beings we all need. I have not longed for shelter, food, or love. I may have at times been close to feeling deprived of any one of these. Yet, in realness to the reality of the journey, I can honestly say that God has provided. Even when I do not know how, why or when. I wanted more and needed less. God`s will for me was better than I could have ever planned for myself. God has done for me what I could not do for myself. In working with the Community Stewards I see this on a regular basis.

I am "wanting more' by seeking God`s will for me. I am "needing less" because I pray for his knowledge and the power to carry that out. Only through God`s gracious gift of continuous sobriety is that possible.
As a broken child of God I have recovered from a spiritual, mental, and physical addiction.  Through the Love of my creator I am made whole by his will for me. When I want more and need less, the key is to understand that it is one of the scars of my being broken and nothing more. The scar is merely another reminder of God`s love by wanting more and needing less.

EOJ.
2/27/2012


 

Introduction- The ConneXion

Greetings and Hopes for All,
                                             Another experiment in the works. Hoping to use this as a way to implement our writings, musings, ideas, and concerns. While this will lack some privacy it might open a channel for larger transparency. Peace and wishing for success.
EOJ