Mending the Broken Road

 Many times we have all heard the term we are broken. Not perfect, and flawed. While this is true in my own beliefs, I wonder when acceptance, and acknowledgement of who and what we are is enough? That what our character defects are, is not a value of being less than, merely different, as our creator made us all individually. Where does the road we travel meet the broken path ? Where is the moral fiber in this thinking? Does using the term "broken" in reference to ourselves, create a stigma of shame, guilt, or remorse? I should hope not. While each may have their own interpretation of what this means, for me personally, I use it in reference to remind myself, that I am not unique. That the hardships, sufferings, feelings of shame or guilt, trials, and temptations are not something that I face alone. That I am not the only one who has had to deal with these issues. I am only one of many in the maze of living life.

 The comparison of the term being "broken' vs. sin has been mentioned. So in researching this a little farther, I have been enlightened greatly. Sin means separation from God. Nothing more, nothing less. When someone says they are a sinner, does that make them unfit, or not worthy? It might sound extreme to refer to yourself in this manner, yet some do. I know that I am less than perfect, therefore I am not always gonna do everything right. Does that make me a sinner? Maybe, depending how extreme you want to view it. I would like to believe that I am given a daily reprieve to ask God to help me live a life more as we are called to as Christians. When separated from God by sin, I need to draw from his gifts of grace to make an effort to change. Refusing to acknowledge this, may be a way of not allowing growth, or progress to happen from within. The big difference for myself, is that I do not want to be reminded that I am "broken" on a daily basis. Yet, I will make the effort to address sin in my life, so that I can strive to be a better person.  To be reminded of being broken, to often, only feeds that place in our soul where we struggle to accept our humanness.

This past week, their has been many conversations with all of us who still deal with demons that haunt us. Actions, situations, events, and behaviors of the past that we as humans, have harmed others, and cannot undue the damage it caused. We feel helpless, not being able to say "I am sorry " enough, or apologize enough. When will forgiveness ever happen? When will this thing that holds me hostage relieve me from this bondage?  My experience has taught me only one lesson from this. When will you forgive yourself? When will you release yourself from owning the guilt? Still owning the actions, but relieving yourself of the burden of carrying someone else`s pain. I have enough pain of my own to carry, without carrying someone else`s after proper amends have been made. If my creator, God, can forgive me, than how can I not do the same . Through Christ, I am set free of this, if my heart, actions, and intent are pure. Does this make me "broken" ? I feel that it is in doing the amends, sharing our experiences, and providing hope for others, that we mend this broken road.

Many years ago I harmed a family member that I love. They have not totally forgiven me. They say they have forgiven me, but have not "forgotten". I get it. It makes sense. The situation causes a feeling of distrusts. It created an atmosphere where this person does not want to let their guard down to be hurt again. I was taught to apologize for my actions. If this person chooses to forgive, as hard as it sounds that is their choice, not mine. However, I am relieved of owning any more baggage of this event. The message  is that I too will not forget. This sin created in me, an opportunity for growth. This experience of growth as a person,  a family member, and as a child of God, just simply strives to let me be a better person. I will try to learn from this lesson and not repeat it. That`s all I can do. I believe the second part of this, from the teachings of the " Master of Life", Christ, is when necessary, to share this experience to help a brother or sister going through a similar situation out, to avoid the pitfalls and mistakes I made. This is how I, as an individual, am Mending the Broken Road.

As a journey unfolds I do not have to constantly look backward. I draw from experience to let God create in me a clean heart. To mold me and shape me in this brokenness as he sees fit. Having a clean heart sure feels better than constantly Mending the Broken Road.

EOJ
3/29/2012